1 00:00:05,999 --> 00:00:08,792 Jazz is dead, bruv. No one wants a brass band. 2 00:00:08,999 --> 00:00:10,626 Jazz quartet. 3 00:00:10,876 --> 00:00:13,167 What do you know? You can't even turn up to rehearsals on time. 4 00:00:13,459 --> 00:00:16,083 Er, I was helping my grandmother. She had a fall. 5 00:00:16,459 --> 00:00:19,083 You do know we performed at both of your grandmothers' funerals? 6 00:00:19,334 --> 00:00:22,334 Yeah, and we also had walkouts. At a funeral. 7 00:00:22,626 --> 00:00:24,167 Oi, Whiplash, talk to your brother please. 8 00:00:24,459 --> 00:00:25,125 We could replace him. 9 00:00:25,417 --> 00:00:27,834 I know a sick trumpet player and he can get us some paid gigs. 10 00:00:28,042 --> 00:00:30,042 He just got out of prison but he's really nice. 11 00:00:30,292 --> 00:00:31,959 We just won't be able to perform near schools. 12 00:00:32,209 --> 00:00:34,626 You'd rather perform with a paedo than your own brother? 13 00:00:34,876 --> 00:00:37,876 We should reinvent ourselves. New image, new name. 14 00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,626 What about The Wu-Tang Clan? 15 00:00:40,876 --> 00:00:42,876 Like the group The Wu-Tang Clan? 16 00:00:43,125 --> 00:00:46,250 Why are you so scared to try something new, hit up a new demographic? 17 00:00:46,542 --> 00:00:49,792 I'm guessing this demographic is fit, young females? 18 00:00:49,999 --> 00:00:53,292 Yeah, nothing woos the bitches like a four-piece brass band. 19 00:00:53,584 --> 00:00:55,542 Jazz quartet. 20 00:00:55,792 --> 00:00:58,999 And it's not about the money, nor is it about the bitch-, women. 21 00:00:59,250 --> 00:01:00,709 It's about the music. 22 00:01:00,918 --> 00:01:06,334 Now can we please, please, just have one normal, uninterrupted rehearsal? 23 00:01:07,751 --> 00:01:08,542 Guys! 24 00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:11,417 I think I've found a time machine. 25 00:01:25,417 --> 00:01:27,417 Why are we following Homeless Pete? 26 00:01:27,667 --> 00:01:29,167 He knows where the time machine is. 27 00:01:29,459 --> 00:01:32,876 The same Homeless Pete that likes to masturbate in front of Debenhams? 28 00:01:33,125 --> 00:01:33,500 Yeah. 29 00:01:33,751 --> 00:01:35,584 Cool, just checking. 30 00:01:36,042 --> 00:01:38,209 He also thinks pigeons will inherit the earth. 31 00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:39,459 'Course he does. 32 00:01:40,876 --> 00:01:43,083 So this is the time machine? 33 00:01:46,918 --> 00:01:47,792 He says yeah. 34 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:51,834 It's not just a piss-filled lift in a run-down block of flats? 35 00:01:54,709 --> 00:01:55,542 He says nah. 36 00:01:56,709 --> 00:02:00,292 And he's not thought about using this time machine to improve his own situation? 37 00:02:00,584 --> 00:02:04,500 Like maybe going back to a time when he was less addicted to heroin? 38 00:02:08,584 --> 00:02:09,417 He says sometimes. 39 00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:10,584 - Sometimes? - Mm-hmm. 40 00:02:10,834 --> 00:02:12,709 Well, in we pop. 41 00:02:13,042 --> 00:02:14,209 Into the shit Delorean. 42 00:02:15,250 --> 00:02:17,042 Actually, this is disgusting. 43 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:20,918 This better be chocolate. 44 00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:24,292 Yes, alright! Horace, move! 45 00:02:24,584 --> 00:02:26,167 This is so lame. 46 00:02:26,459 --> 00:02:27,584 (lift beeps) 47 00:02:32,292 --> 00:02:32,876 Ah, hey guys. 48 00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:36,334 Depending on what year we go back to, remember Snickers will be called Marathon 49 00:02:36,626 --> 00:02:38,751 and Starburst will be called Opal Fruits. 50 00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:40,500 Thank you. 51 00:02:42,042 --> 00:02:44,167 Okay, I'm really not liking this now. 52 00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:46,542 Bruv, you gotta stop whining. 53 00:02:53,334 --> 00:02:55,042 Oh my God. 54 00:02:56,626 --> 00:02:59,292 Oh yeah, we've travelled two floors vertically. 55 00:02:59,792 --> 00:03:00,250 Science. 56 00:03:00,542 --> 00:03:01,626 Bruv, I beg you, shut up. 57 00:03:01,876 --> 00:03:03,667 Ey, wha gwan Jason? 58 00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:06,167 W-Wha gwan big man? 59 00:03:06,459 --> 00:03:08,709 What, the lift broken, yeah? 60 00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:11,042 It does that sometimes, still. 61 00:03:12,083 --> 00:03:15,667 So what, you're not gonna introduce me to your bredrins, nah? 62 00:03:16,709 --> 00:03:18,667 Everyone, this is Curtis. 63 00:03:18,876 --> 00:03:19,667 Hiya. 64 00:03:20,999 --> 00:03:23,876 Knowing Jason, and judging by your facial expression, 65 00:03:24,125 --> 00:03:26,459 I'm guessing Jason slept with your girlfriend? 66 00:03:27,751 --> 00:03:28,667 Fiancée. 67 00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:30,542 Close enough. 68 00:03:31,542 --> 00:03:33,125 Right, shall we leave you two to it? 69 00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:34,334 What, you're not gonna back me up? 70 00:03:34,626 --> 00:03:35,751 I just wanna talk, fam. 71 00:03:35,959 --> 00:03:38,459 - See, he just wants to talk, fam. - He doesn't just wanna talk, fam. 72 00:03:38,709 --> 00:03:39,417 Yeah, 73 00:03:39,792 --> 00:03:40,834 I don't just wanna talk, fam! 74 00:03:41,042 --> 00:03:43,042 (screaming) 75 00:03:43,876 --> 00:03:45,500 Ey fam, I don't care where you are, y'know! 76 00:03:45,751 --> 00:03:48,584 Man will find you and rile (ph) you up bruv, I swear! 77 00:03:49,167 --> 00:03:50,209 Dickhead! 78 00:03:50,751 --> 00:03:51,876 What's the matter with you? 79 00:03:52,125 --> 00:03:54,667 What was I supposed to do, not sleep with her? Have you seen Eleasha? 80 00:03:54,876 --> 00:03:56,999 Firstly, I have. She looks like a foot. 81 00:03:57,250 --> 00:03:59,292 Secondly, his wife-to-be, really? 82 00:03:59,584 --> 00:04:01,918 Look, I know I messed up, I'm sorry, alright! But-, 83 00:04:02,167 --> 00:04:02,876 I love her. 84 00:04:03,083 --> 00:04:05,083 What about the girl from Claire's Accessories? 85 00:04:05,334 --> 00:04:06,125 I love her too. 86 00:04:06,417 --> 00:04:07,918 Yeah? What's her name? 87 00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:11,876 Look, I know what this might sound like, but-, 88 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,042 I do actually think her name's Claire. 89 00:04:14,292 --> 00:04:16,167 - Guys? - And your actual girlfriend T'Shana? 90 00:04:16,459 --> 00:04:17,918 She too is the love of my life. 91 00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:19,125 - Guys? - Where's Homeless Pete? 92 00:04:19,417 --> 00:04:20,876 Guys, what the hell is that? 93 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,042 What the fuck? 94 00:04:29,542 --> 00:04:32,626 (beeping) 95 00:04:37,459 --> 00:04:39,334 (laughter) 96 00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:44,834 (lift bell rings) 97 00:04:48,918 --> 00:04:50,834 Aargghh! 98 00:04:56,792 --> 00:04:58,250 (horse whinnies) 99 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,500 (car horn sounds) 100 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,834 Welcome... to Jurassic Park. 101 00:05:18,584 --> 00:05:21,751 Who would've thought a guy who shits in bins is a Time Lord? 102 00:05:21,959 --> 00:05:23,292 So is this, like, slavery times? 103 00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:24,500 Nah, it must be later. 104 00:05:24,751 --> 00:05:25,709 How do you know? 105 00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:28,042 It looks more Downton than Django. 106 00:05:28,292 --> 00:05:30,500 Alright, let's just stick together and avoid any plantations. 107 00:05:30,751 --> 00:05:32,209 Imagine all the things we could do. 108 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,876 Invest in stocks and shares and get filthy rich in the present day. 109 00:05:36,125 --> 00:05:38,918 I was gonna say burn a witch, but we could do that. 110 00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:39,959 Yeah, we could do that. 111 00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:41,667 We can't just go venturing out. 112 00:05:41,876 --> 00:05:43,125 It doesn't matter what time we're in, 113 00:05:43,417 --> 00:05:46,209 any time before the mid-'80s isn't good for black people. 114 00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:49,125 Bruv, how can you not wanna explore? We owe it to ourselves! 115 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:51,250 People like us never get to time travel. 116 00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:55,584 It's what white people do, like skiing, or brunch. 117 00:05:56,542 --> 00:05:58,918 Anyone got a fiver? I'm gonna buy a house. 118 00:06:02,584 --> 00:06:03,334 Fuck! 119 00:06:08,209 --> 00:06:10,334 Look at you perving at all the ye olde ladies. 120 00:06:10,626 --> 00:06:12,584 I'm just appreciating when women dressed like women, 121 00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:15,083 and not like twelve-year-old schoolboys. 122 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:19,292 That reminds me, I must buy some black pudding. 123 00:06:19,918 --> 00:06:22,792 Would it mess with the future if I smacked that woman in the face right now? 124 00:06:22,999 --> 00:06:23,709 (laughter) 125 00:06:23,918 --> 00:06:25,500 No, seriously, she's right. 126 00:06:25,751 --> 00:06:28,083 Time, space, ripple effects and all that. 127 00:06:28,584 --> 00:06:29,167 What would happen? 128 00:06:29,459 --> 00:06:30,083 Oh! 129 00:06:30,876 --> 00:06:32,999 Homeless Pete gave me some rules. 130 00:06:33,792 --> 00:06:34,834 Don't kill anyone. 131 00:06:35,042 --> 00:06:36,584 That's not even specific to time travel. 132 00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:40,125 Don't impregnate, get impregnated. Don't touch any animals. 133 00:06:40,417 --> 00:06:42,417 Have fun and try to blend in. 134 00:06:42,876 --> 00:06:43,959 Try to blend in? 135 00:06:44,709 --> 00:06:46,500 Am I the only one noticing that? 136 00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:52,834 Alright? 137 00:06:53,167 --> 00:06:55,042 Aarghh! 138 00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,500 (bell rings) 139 00:07:07,667 --> 00:07:08,709 Why are we in a suit shop? 140 00:07:08,918 --> 00:07:10,999 Because I didn't see a Foot Locker. 141 00:07:12,751 --> 00:07:13,918 Good afternoon. 142 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:17,542 How may I eat you-, help you? 143 00:07:18,876 --> 00:07:21,417 I'll just get the cannibal-, er, manager. 144 00:07:24,042 --> 00:07:26,542 I will just eat the manager. 145 00:07:30,042 --> 00:07:30,876 She's alright. 146 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:34,083 Going by the day's events, don't you think you have enough girlfriends? 147 00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:35,626 Alright, then you go talk to her. 148 00:07:35,876 --> 00:07:37,167 Well, obviously I can't. 149 00:07:37,459 --> 00:07:37,751 Why not? 150 00:07:37,959 --> 00:07:40,417 Because she's about 90 years older than me. 151 00:07:40,876 --> 00:07:40,999 What? 152 00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:43,751 Yes, I could go outside, and yes, I could chat her up. 153 00:07:43,959 --> 00:07:45,626 But what if I fell for her, and she for I? 154 00:07:45,876 --> 00:07:49,667 And we had this whirlwind love affair where we couldn't be without one another. 155 00:07:50,542 --> 00:07:54,876 And at the peak of everything, she decides to come back with me to the 21st century. 156 00:07:56,751 --> 00:07:59,918 But as we return to the present day, I'd turn to her 157 00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:03,083 only to see that she'd become the age she would be in that time. 158 00:08:04,292 --> 00:08:06,834 And I would have the girl of my dreams as an old woman, 159 00:08:08,584 --> 00:08:09,667 dying in my arms. 160 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,959 Bruv, I just said to get her phone number. 161 00:08:14,334 --> 00:08:15,292 Ahem! 162 00:08:15,876 --> 00:08:17,292 - Hello. - Hello. 163 00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,667 Hail thee, good morrow, how doth thou? 164 00:08:22,667 --> 00:08:23,292 Alright? 165 00:08:23,918 --> 00:08:24,542 Ask them. 166 00:08:25,209 --> 00:08:26,417 - Ask them! - Yes, very well, Ralph. 167 00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:27,500 - Ask us what? - We were just wondering-, 168 00:08:27,751 --> 00:08:28,459 Yes, Ralph! 169 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,042 Are you a jazz band? 170 00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,626 What makes you think we're a jazz band? 171 00:08:31,876 --> 00:08:32,626 Quartet. 172 00:08:32,876 --> 00:08:35,709 Well, four coloured chaps in London. What else could you be? 173 00:08:35,918 --> 00:08:37,083 You're also carrying instruments. 174 00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:38,876 Oh, so you are. 175 00:08:39,125 --> 00:08:43,417 Now call it fate, but Ralph and I are hosting a sick-makingly glorious birthday party. 176 00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:46,042 We're twins. Non-identical. 177 00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:46,959 I was born first. 178 00:08:47,209 --> 00:08:49,876 - So Victoria and I are having a party-, - Yes, Ralph! 179 00:08:50,626 --> 00:08:52,876 And daddy promised us a Negro jazz band. 180 00:08:53,125 --> 00:08:54,459 You really shouldn't use that word. 181 00:08:54,709 --> 00:08:57,042 Oh, sorry. A Negro jazz quartet. 182 00:08:57,292 --> 00:08:59,250 Quite a shame, the band we hired cancelled. 183 00:08:59,542 --> 00:09:01,626 One of the poor fellows got polio. 184 00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:04,999 Typical, isn't it? All bad things seem to happen to me. 185 00:09:05,334 --> 00:09:06,209 How much we talking? 186 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,626 You'll be paid fabulously. 187 00:09:07,876 --> 00:09:09,709 So please, please, please say you're a jazz quartet! 188 00:09:09,918 --> 00:09:11,751 We are a jazz quartet. 189 00:09:12,876 --> 00:09:16,500 Sorry, we'd love to but unfortunately we've got to get home. 190 00:09:16,751 --> 00:09:18,751 - We'll be there. - Wondrous! 191 00:09:19,334 --> 00:09:20,959 It is rather a formal affair. 192 00:09:21,209 --> 00:09:26,751 Yes, so no curious native trousers or, um, spongy foot sheaths. 193 00:09:27,209 --> 00:09:28,125 I can't wait! 194 00:09:28,542 --> 00:09:30,959 Please don't let us down, otherwise Ralph and I will howl with shame 195 00:09:31,209 --> 00:09:33,792 and take our lives in a tragic double suicide. 196 00:09:34,209 --> 00:09:35,667 (nervous laughter) 197 00:09:37,918 --> 00:09:39,167 See you chaps later! 198 00:09:39,876 --> 00:09:41,083 Fare thee well! 199 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:42,125 Chaps. 200 00:09:49,876 --> 00:09:50,459 Okay, look. 201 00:09:50,709 --> 00:09:55,125 All I'm saying is that when people time travel, it's to prevent a natural disaster 202 00:09:55,417 --> 00:09:57,792 or to save mankind from extinction. 203 00:09:58,042 --> 00:10:00,417 Not to perform as a 'Negro jazz quartet'. 204 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:01,626 You are shitting me? 205 00:10:01,876 --> 00:10:03,250 This is what you wanted, a paid gig. 206 00:10:03,542 --> 00:10:06,083 Bruv, there's, like, one other jazz band, and they've got the plague. 207 00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:06,626 Polio. 208 00:10:06,792 --> 00:10:09,125 Whatever, the point is he's going to die. How amazing is that? 209 00:10:09,417 --> 00:10:13,042 I don't know how else to reiterate that we should just go back to the lift. 210 00:10:13,292 --> 00:10:15,876 What if it's one of those one-way time machines? 211 00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:18,042 Then we'll find an alternative way home. 212 00:10:18,292 --> 00:10:20,417 - Which is? - I don't know. A scientist. 213 00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:22,709 Okay, what you gonna say to him? 214 00:10:22,918 --> 00:10:25,751 Well, I'm gonna tell him or her that I wanna go home. 215 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,876 - To? - The 21st...century. 216 00:10:29,334 --> 00:10:30,542 How you gonna get there? 217 00:10:31,792 --> 00:10:32,542 Time machine. 218 00:10:32,792 --> 00:10:34,167 Cool. Good luck with that, yeah? 219 00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:36,500 Leave him, he's just scared, as usual. 220 00:10:36,751 --> 00:10:39,417 You know what? I'm gonna go home. Excuse me. 221 00:10:39,667 --> 00:10:42,125 No, no, no. Homeless Pete said we should all stick together. 222 00:10:42,417 --> 00:10:44,876 You're seriously saying you're going to time travel back alone? 223 00:10:45,083 --> 00:10:46,792 The man who's afraid to watch The X-Files? 224 00:10:46,999 --> 00:10:49,918 Okay, they are stories based on actual events. 225 00:10:50,334 --> 00:10:51,667 Okay, cool. 226 00:10:51,959 --> 00:10:52,709 Here's the gig address. 227 00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:55,959 I give it ten minutes before you brick it and come running back to us. 228 00:10:56,209 --> 00:10:58,459 Good luck performing without lead trumpet. 229 00:10:59,042 --> 00:11:01,167 Let us know when you get home safe, yeah? 230 00:11:01,876 --> 00:11:05,334 WhatsApp's not working but hopefully normal texts are going through. 231 00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:07,792 Anyone pay for these suits? 232 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,167 Yeah, wouldn't it be jokes if us accidentally teefin' these suits 233 00:11:11,459 --> 00:11:13,918 starts the stereotype that all black people are thieves? 234 00:11:19,209 --> 00:11:21,500 I didn't realise black people were thieves. 235 00:11:23,459 --> 00:11:24,918 I'll have to warn everyone. 236 00:11:29,584 --> 00:11:31,751 Stupid 1920s London. 237 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:35,459 Ooh, I'm smug because I've recently given women the vote. Dicks! 238 00:11:42,918 --> 00:11:46,334 Oh, what is the code? 239 00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:57,042 Homeless Pete? 240 00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,292 Thank God, I could bloody kiss you! 241 00:11:59,584 --> 00:12:01,250 I won't cos I think I've got a cold coming on 242 00:12:01,542 --> 00:12:03,417 and, well, you're a tramp. 243 00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:05,834 Look, I need the code to get home. 244 00:12:06,042 --> 00:12:07,834 So what I need from you is for you-, 245 00:12:09,999 --> 00:12:11,125 Homeless Pete? Where the-, 246 00:12:11,417 --> 00:12:12,292 Homeless Pete! 247 00:12:14,751 --> 00:12:15,334 Pete! 248 00:12:24,667 --> 00:12:26,876 Excuse me, are you John Logie Baird? 249 00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:28,417 Aye, that's me. 250 00:12:29,584 --> 00:12:30,292 Okay. 251 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:35,292 Okay, I know this sounds weird, but I think I've been led here for a reason. 252 00:12:35,959 --> 00:12:39,792 I was chasing this mystical tramp, and then seeing you 253 00:12:39,999 --> 00:12:44,083 and knowing who you are because, well, I was really good at history, 254 00:12:44,999 --> 00:12:46,167 I got a B. 255 00:12:46,459 --> 00:12:48,999 Anyway, I know you invented the television. 256 00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:50,167 Well, you will. 257 00:12:50,459 --> 00:12:52,876 Who... told you that? 258 00:12:53,876 --> 00:12:56,834 I know you will invent the television because-, 259 00:12:58,500 --> 00:12:59,876 I'm from the future. 260 00:13:01,042 --> 00:13:03,834 I'm from the future and I need you to help me get back. 261 00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:09,876 Right. Well, you'd best come in then. 262 00:13:11,042 --> 00:13:12,876 Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! 263 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,876 Ah, you're welcome. In you come. 264 00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:19,417 (music plays) 265 00:13:27,417 --> 00:13:29,334 Drink! Drink! Drink! 266 00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:30,876 (cheering) 267 00:13:32,999 --> 00:13:34,792 Someone's got an admirer. 268 00:13:34,999 --> 00:13:35,584 What? 269 00:13:35,834 --> 00:13:38,584 I'm guessing he's gonna be pretty pissed off when he finds out you're a girl. 270 00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:40,959 Yeah, well I'm guessing Victoria's gonna be pretty pissed 271 00:13:41,209 --> 00:13:42,626 when she finds out you're a girl. 272 00:13:42,876 --> 00:13:45,334 - Good comeback. - Yeah, well your mum's a good comeback. 273 00:13:45,667 --> 00:13:48,876 Homeless Pete said to be careful who you get off with in the past in case it's your nan. 274 00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:50,999 Yeah, well I don't think Ralph's her nan. 275 00:13:51,459 --> 00:13:52,667 Homeless Pete said you never know. 276 00:13:52,876 --> 00:13:55,417 (cockney accent) Cheer'o, I'm a cockerney! 277 00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:59,667 Gor bless you all, fine gentlemen. (laughter) 278 00:13:59,999 --> 00:14:02,999 I'm joking, that's not my real accent. 279 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,292 So pleased you made it. 280 00:14:05,584 --> 00:14:07,959 Look at you chaps all dressed up. 281 00:14:08,209 --> 00:14:09,751 Where's the tall, drippy one? 282 00:14:10,999 --> 00:14:12,250 He's on his way. 283 00:14:12,542 --> 00:14:13,209 Are you sure? 284 00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,918 I shall be skull-crushingly angry if I don't get my jazz. 285 00:14:16,167 --> 00:14:17,334 A toast! 286 00:14:17,959 --> 00:14:21,584 Hurrah to us, to you, and to a bloody marvellous evening! 287 00:14:21,834 --> 00:14:24,083 Oh God, I love fun! 288 00:14:24,334 --> 00:14:26,542 We're going to hear the best jazz of all time! 289 00:14:26,834 --> 00:14:28,334 Who wants some cocaine? 290 00:14:28,626 --> 00:14:30,042 (cheering) 291 00:14:32,417 --> 00:14:33,876 Nick's okay, right? 292 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,626 - Yeah. - He's fine. 293 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,834 (choking) 294 00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:42,417 Please! I don't know what you're talking about! 295 00:14:42,667 --> 00:14:43,626 Who sent you? 296 00:14:43,876 --> 00:14:44,626 No one! 297 00:14:44,876 --> 00:14:46,834 I told you, I'm from the future. 298 00:14:47,042 --> 00:14:51,042 Just reach into my pocket, my driving licence has my date of birth on it. 299 00:14:51,292 --> 00:14:53,709 Oh no, wait. I must've left them in my jeans. 300 00:14:53,918 --> 00:14:54,292 Your what? 301 00:14:54,584 --> 00:14:55,167 Jeans! 302 00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:57,584 They're like trousers but fashioned from a cotton twill textile. 303 00:14:57,834 --> 00:14:58,876 Shut your geggie! 304 00:15:00,709 --> 00:15:01,751 Yes! Yes! 305 00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:03,834 That's a telephone from the future. 306 00:15:04,042 --> 00:15:06,250 I mean, that's not the latest model, I need an upgrade, 307 00:15:06,542 --> 00:15:08,876 but it's like a TV but small and-, 308 00:15:10,459 --> 00:15:11,542 Shhh. 309 00:15:13,834 --> 00:15:19,250 I am sick of them Englishmen coming round here, trying to steal my ideas. 310 00:15:20,125 --> 00:15:22,918 Only this time, they sent one of their exotic minions 311 00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:27,167 to get his chocolatey fingers on my inventions. 312 00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:28,876 Chocolatey fingers? No! 313 00:15:29,083 --> 00:15:31,834 I'm gonna be needing some answers, laddy. 314 00:15:32,042 --> 00:15:33,876 Right now! 315 00:15:34,626 --> 00:15:35,667 Ah, pish. 316 00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:37,459 Refill! 317 00:15:45,042 --> 00:15:46,167 Chocolatey fingers. 318 00:15:47,459 --> 00:15:48,542 Chocolatey fingers. 319 00:15:49,792 --> 00:15:51,042 Chocolatey fingers! 320 00:15:54,918 --> 00:15:56,459 Shit, shit, fuck! 321 00:16:04,542 --> 00:16:05,167 Shit! 322 00:16:06,626 --> 00:16:07,083 Argh! 323 00:16:08,918 --> 00:16:11,792 Run, run, as fast as you can. 324 00:16:11,999 --> 00:16:15,042 You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man. 325 00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:16,834 Argh! 326 00:16:18,918 --> 00:16:20,250 Don't be dead, please don't be dead. 327 00:16:20,542 --> 00:16:21,751 Don't be dead, don't be dead. 328 00:16:21,959 --> 00:16:24,167 Shit, I've killed telly, I've killed telly. 329 00:16:26,459 --> 00:16:27,167 Sorry! 330 00:16:27,459 --> 00:16:30,500 We want jazz! We want jazz! 331 00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:32,667 You said he'd be back. 332 00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:34,918 Maybe he's gone black to the future. 333 00:16:35,417 --> 00:16:37,417 It's a Back to the Future joke. - Yeah, I got that. 334 00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:40,042 Look, he wouldn't have got back in that time machine by himself. 335 00:16:40,292 --> 00:16:41,125 So where is he? 336 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,167 - What if he's dead? - He's not dead. 337 00:16:46,417 --> 00:16:47,334 Could he be? 338 00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:50,542 Look! 339 00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:52,584 Ralph and I gifted each other these shoes. 340 00:16:52,834 --> 00:16:54,918 They make a sound when we dance. 341 00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:55,918 Look! 342 00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:58,876 (shoes clicking) 343 00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:00,167 Look! 344 00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:02,626 I'm running! 345 00:17:07,542 --> 00:17:09,876 Do come on, we're terribly tired of waiting. 346 00:17:10,626 --> 00:17:12,876 - We want jazz! - Now! 347 00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:18,834 Right, chocolate fingers. 348 00:17:19,751 --> 00:17:20,834 Okay, alright. 349 00:17:21,042 --> 00:17:22,584 Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate-, 350 00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:25,751 Oh fuck, alright. 351 00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:34,334 Oh, chocolate! Okay! 352 00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:37,999 That's not chocolate. 353 00:17:40,417 --> 00:17:41,083 Okay, alright. 354 00:17:41,334 --> 00:17:43,292 That one, that one-, 355 00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:45,876 Please! 356 00:17:46,792 --> 00:17:47,500 Gah! 357 00:17:55,125 --> 00:17:58,083 Ah! Ah, yes! 358 00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,125 (beeping) 359 00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:09,999 (lift beeps) 360 00:18:16,042 --> 00:18:16,876 Hello. 361 00:18:17,542 --> 00:18:17,918 Hi. 362 00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:20,626 - What's that chap saying? We can't hear you, man! 363 00:18:22,667 --> 00:18:23,876 Hello everyone. 364 00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:27,667 I know you all came to hear our jazz quartet play tonight. 365 00:18:27,876 --> 00:18:29,667 (applause) 366 00:18:29,999 --> 00:18:31,751 Unfortunately that's not gonna happen. 367 00:18:31,959 --> 00:18:33,751 - For crying out loud! - Outrageous! 368 00:18:33,959 --> 00:18:36,125 We're basically missing our trumpet player. 369 00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:37,542 He might be dead. 370 00:18:37,792 --> 00:18:40,667 And it's weird, because the last thing he said to us was, 371 00:18:40,876 --> 00:18:43,125 'Good luck performing without me.' 372 00:18:43,667 --> 00:18:45,876 - Excuse me. - And in a way, he was right. 373 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,125 It's like we've got a limb missing. 374 00:18:49,792 --> 00:18:51,542 What are we without him? 375 00:18:52,918 --> 00:18:55,584 What is a quartet without its fourth member? 376 00:19:00,417 --> 00:19:01,417 It's a trio. 377 00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:05,125 Thank you for coming out tonight, we are The Wu-Tang Clan! 378 00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:08,626 - One, two, one-two-three! - Wait, wait, wait! 379 00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:11,751 He's alive! 380 00:19:12,626 --> 00:19:14,876 So, what, you were just going to perform without me? 381 00:19:15,125 --> 00:19:16,918 Bruv, I wanted to look for you, but Lau-, 382 00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:19,042 Even though you thought I might be dead? 383 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:20,500 Paid gig. 384 00:19:21,042 --> 00:19:22,918 - Jazz, jazz, jazz! 385 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,999 - Just play the goddamn jazz! 386 00:19:33,083 --> 00:19:35,250 Hello 1920s London! 387 00:19:37,417 --> 00:19:38,959 One-two-three, uh! 388 00:19:39,209 --> 00:19:41,167 (singing) My baby don't mess around 389 00:19:41,459 --> 00:19:45,542 because she loves me so and this I know for sure 390 00:19:46,751 --> 00:19:49,626 Uh! But does she really wanna 391 00:19:49,876 --> 00:19:54,417 but can't stand to see me walk out the door 392 00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:58,999 Hey ya 393 00:19:59,876 --> 00:20:02,626 Hey ya 394 00:20:03,751 --> 00:20:07,667 Hey ya 395 00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:10,918 Hey ya 396 00:20:11,417 --> 00:20:12,667 Okay, shake it 397 00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:14,125 Shake it 398 00:20:14,834 --> 00:20:15,667 Shake it 399 00:20:16,292 --> 00:20:18,125 Shake it, shake it 400 00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:21,417 Shake it like a Polaroid picture! 401 00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:28,626 Such a giddy-making delight of a night, all thanks to you gentlemen. 402 00:20:28,876 --> 00:20:31,584 Now, who would like a dance with the birthday girl? 403 00:20:32,542 --> 00:20:34,125 I thought you'd never ask. 404 00:20:35,292 --> 00:20:38,042 And what about the birthday boy? 405 00:20:38,999 --> 00:20:40,417 Oh, I'm not-, 406 00:20:40,667 --> 00:20:42,083 No, I don't-, 407 00:20:42,459 --> 00:20:43,876 Oh no, I was talking to that-, 408 00:20:44,125 --> 00:20:47,083 This one-, particular one of you. 409 00:20:47,334 --> 00:20:48,083 Would you? 410 00:20:49,292 --> 00:20:50,500 Yeah, go on then. 411 00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:57,542 (clicking) 412 00:20:59,667 --> 00:21:00,709 Are you wearing tap shoes? 413 00:21:00,918 --> 00:21:02,751 Yes, aren't they wizard! 414 00:21:06,334 --> 00:21:06,876 Alright? 415 00:21:08,209 --> 00:21:08,876 Yeah. 416 00:21:09,792 --> 00:21:11,584 Yeah, it's just, time travel, 417 00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:13,542 Victoria and Ralph needing a band, 418 00:21:13,792 --> 00:21:16,125 having the perfect sound for the perfect gig. 419 00:21:17,459 --> 00:21:20,083 Fate, I guess it's a real thing. 420 00:21:20,334 --> 00:21:21,167 Maybe. 421 00:21:22,542 --> 00:21:24,500 Maybe we've not gone back in time. 422 00:21:24,999 --> 00:21:27,542 Maybe we're part of an overlapping multiple universe 423 00:21:27,792 --> 00:21:30,876 and now is just a parallel version of where we're meant to be. 424 00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:34,751 Maybe. 425 00:21:35,584 --> 00:21:38,417 If we leave now, we could still get home for Newsnight. 426 00:21:38,667 --> 00:21:39,500 Well-, 427 00:21:40,334 --> 00:21:42,709 I don't see any reason for us to leave just yet. 428 00:21:52,918 --> 00:21:54,125 (lift bell rings) 429 00:21:57,042 --> 00:21:57,918 What you sayin'? 430 00:21:58,292 --> 00:22:00,667 Aargghh!